Episode 70: Overcoming Your Entrepreneurial Impostor Syndrome, Self-Doubt and Negative Thinking

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What if I was to tell you that all of the stress we feel in our lives is caused by our inner saboteur voices and our own negative thinking? 

What if I also told you that our own intentionally trained positive mindset actually cultivates our sense of peace, satisfaction, ease and flow?

While many of us know that our own mind can have a massive impact on how we feel at any given time on any given day, the question certainly begs: how can we intentionally train our minds to think positively to avoid self-sabotaging how we feel and in turn, how we show up for others in our lives each day?

Today, we welcome Diane Nelson onto The Canadian Wealth Secrets Podcast to help explain how we can all train our minds to think positively in three simple – but not always easy – steps in order to overcome your entrepreneurial impostor syndrome, self-doubt, and negative thinking.

Whether you’re an entrepreneur, business owner, investor, or employee, you’re going to want to stick around as Diane takes us on a journey to strengthen our mindsets so we can accomplish amazing goals in our personal and professional lives.

What you’ll learn: 

• Discover the concept of ‘self command’ and learn how to master your thoughts and emotions to enhance decision-making and leadership effectiveness;
• How to master your mindset by adopting the belief that every challenge/failure can be made into a gift and opportunity;
• Why our thoughts impact the quality of our conversations, and our conversation impacts the quality of our relationships;
• Why we should observe every thought and stay curious about its origin and assumptions in order to allow us to choose better thoughts and communicate better;
• Uncover the default patterns in entrepreneurship and learn how self-awareness can be a game-changer in your personal and professional growth; and, 
• Gain valuable insights into effective communication styles and active listening techniques that can drastically improve your interactions and build stronger relationships.

Resources:

• Visit Diane’s Nelson’s website at The Nelson Team
• Mastering Sage Conversations [Free Guide]
• Take The Saboteur Assessment
• Connect with Diane on LinkedIn
• Book a Discovery Call with Kyle to review your corporate (or personal) wealth strategy to help you overcome your current struggle and take the next step in your Canadian Wealth Building Journey!
• Looking for a new mortgage, renewal, refinance, or HELOC? Reach out to Jon to share some options.
• Follow/Connect with Kyle Pearce on LinkedIn for daily posts and conversations about business, finance, and investment. 

 Calling All Canadian Incorporated Business Owners & Investors:

Consider reaching out to Kyle if you’ve been…

• …taking a salary with a goal of stuffing RRSPs;
• …investing inside your corporation without a passive income tax minimization strategy;
• …letting a large sum of liquid assets sit in low interest earning savings accounts;
• …investing corporate dollars into GICs, dividend stocks/funds, or other investments attracting corporate passive income taxes at greater than 50%; or,
• …wondering whether your current corporate wealth management strategy is optimal for your specific situation.

By hopping on a discovery call with Kyle, he will review your specific personal and corporate financial situation in order to determine if there are some quick wins available for you to minimize taxes personally or corporately, provide ideas for how you can increase your personal cash flow, and ensure that the net worth of your estate continues to grow in tandem.

Let’s Connect For A Discovery Call!

For those interested in having a review of your financial wealth plan, learning more about potential joint venture (JV) opportunities, or a mortgage review, book a free discovery call now.

Watch Now!

Detailed Episode Summary 

Self Command for Leaders: Diane’s Perspective

Diane, a coach trainer and consultant who lives in an RV, shared her work with leaders in organizations, focusing on helping them manage their thoughts and emotions. She emphasized the importance of being aware of the initial thought before it attaches to an emotion, a skill she refers to as “self command”. She believes this is beneficial for all of humanity, not just her clients. Kyle, who was also present in the meeting, agreed with Diane’s points and highlighted the significance of this skill, particularly for leaders who often face high expectations and pressure.

Default Patterns in Entrepreneurship and Self-Awareness

Diane and Kyle discussed the concept of default patterns and their impact on entrepreneurs and individuals. Diane highlighted several patterns, such as hyper achiever, restless nature, hyper rational, and controller, and how they can be both beneficial and detrimental. Kyle expressed interest in learning more about these patterns and emphasized the importance of self-awareness in recognizing when these patterns are helping or hindering. Diane shared her personal experience and emphasized the importance of understanding thought patterns for personal growth and emotional management. She suggested that leaders, in particular, should be aware of their thought patterns to ensure effective communication and collaboration.

Communication Styles and Active Listening

Diane and Kyle emphasized the importance of effective communication, with Diane highlighting the need to confirm that the message was understood as intended. They discussed the differences between introverted and extroverted communication styles and personalities, with Diane suggesting that it’s not worth trying to change one’s personality traits. They stressed the importance of understanding and accepting these traits to work more effectively. Diane and Kyle also underscored the significance of active listening in conversations, highlighting the importance of asking questions to comprehend the speaker’s point of view. They noted the challenge of active listening, especially in an interview setting, and stressed the benefits of this skill in fostering true connections.

Match Set Process for Professional Relationships

Kyle and Diane discussed the importance of understanding and clarity in professional relationships, particularly between leaders and team members or salespeople and clients. They emphasized the need for a “match set” process where both parties confirm mutual understanding and agree on the next steps. Diane explained that this process saves time in the long run by preventing misunderstandings and miscommunications. Kyle suggested that this process could be beneficial for any organization, regardless of its size. When asked for a starting point for someone looking to improve their mindset and communication skills, Diane recommended beginning with a willingness to understand and be understood, and to ask questions and listen without forming opinions.

Leadership Self-Awareness and Team Motivation

Diane discussed the importance of self-awareness and understanding for leaders and entrepreneurs. She emphasized the need for leaders to shift their focus from their technical skills to people management skills. Diane also highlighted the significance of motivating and connecting with the team. She mentioned a free online assessment that can help individuals gain self-awareness. Kyle committed to sharing the assessment link on their website. Diane also shared her personal secret sauce, which involves maintaining a positive internal conversation and having a clear sense of purpose. She encouraged listeners to take control of their mindset and thinking. Finally, Diane mentioned her active presence on LinkedIn and her website as places where listeners could find out more about her.

Transcript:

00:00:00:03 – 00:00:16:02
Diane Nelson
From the moment you wake up, you wake up and pretty quickly you’ll have a thought. And if you start noticing what that thought is and then decide finding what emotion you want to put to it, that’s called self command. And that’s what I do.

00:00:16:03 – 00:01:02:08
Kyle Pearce
What if I was to tell you that all of the stress we feel in our lives is caused by the inner saboteur voices and our own negative thinking? What if I also told you that our own intentionally trained, positive mindset actually cultivates our sense of peace, satisfaction, ease and flow? While many of us know that our own mind can have a massive impact on how we feel at any given time, on any given day, the question clearly begs how can we intentionally train our minds to think positively, to avoid self-sabotaging, how we feel, and in turn how we show up for others in our lives each and every day.

00:01:02:10 – 00:01:34:20
Kyle Pearce
Today, we welcome Diane Nelson onto the Canadian Wealth Secrets podcast to help explain how we can all train our minds to think positively in three simple but not always easy steps. Whether you’re an entrepreneur, business owner, investor or employee, you’re going to want to stick around as Diane takes us on a journey to strengthening our mindsets so we can accomplish amazing goals in our personal and professional lives.

00:01:34:22 – 00:01:47:12
Kyle Pearce
Here we go.

00:01:47:14 – 00:02:22:23
Kyle Pearce
Welcome to the Canadian Wealth Secrets Podcast with Kyle Pierce and John. Or we are recovering high school mathematics teachers and education consultants whose entrepreneurial spirit led us to begin multiple businesses in real estate investing, digital courses and coaching and consulting after the bell rang at dismissal time. Fast forward a decade later where we’ve grown our portfolios and our time freedom to the point where we can now help entrepreneurs, business owners and investors just like you to grow their wealth into a legacy that lasts generations through hidden investment and tax secrets.

00:02:22:23 – 00:02:54:19
Kyle Pearce
Your financial advisors won’t believe our true. All right, Canadian Wealth Secrets seekers. Here’s Diane. Well, well, welcome to the Canadian Wealth Secrets podcast, Diane. We are super excited to have you here. Folks may quickly recognize that someone else that’s usually here, John is not here with us today, sadly. But that just means I get to ask you all of my questions and I don’t have to sit waiting back for John’s questions that I’m not interested in learning about.

00:02:54:19 – 00:03:17:18
Kyle Pearce
So it’s going to be all about learning for me, and we’re going to be digging into some of the great ideas that you have to share here with the Wealth Secrets seekers out there. Diane, welcome to the show. Give the audience just a little snippet into your world. Who is Diane Nelson, where you come in to us from and what are you focusing on these days in this world?

00:03:17:20 – 00:03:38:02
Diane Nelson
Okay, well, you’re asked all kinds of things in that, but thank you for inviting me, Kyle. That’s wonderful. And you and I met not too long ago and exchanged some great ideas, and we felt like we had some energy behind our thoughts. So very briefly, a coach, trainer, consultant, I have worked in the not for profit sector for many, many years.

00:03:38:04 – 00:04:07:22
Diane Nelson
I’m currently stationed. Shall I call it in Waterloo, Ontario. But I like to describe myself as somebody with no fixed address because I live full time in an RV. And so my life path or my yearly path is ten months in Waterloo, two months traveling about typically as a house sitters. So I set pets for other people as they travel, and I get to feel what it’s like to live in their shoes for a while.

00:04:07:24 – 00:04:27:14
Kyle Pearce
I love it. I love it. That’s such an awesome picture. And I think it almost gives us a little bit of a glimpse into some of what we’re going to be talking about, which really comes down to this big thing in our head called our brain, our minds, and really getting into trying to, I think, understand what’s going on up there.

00:04:27:15 – 00:04:59:06
Kyle Pearce
One thing that really made me think about why you could be a good fit for our audience was as business owners, as entrepreneurs, as investors, we are doing a lot of we’ll call it work on our own. We’re doing a lot of things. We have to do a lot of decision making on our own. Myself, I’m lucky I have some business partners that I work very closely with and I’ll be honest and say, for those solo pioneers that are out there, you have basically you and your brain to work with you and your mind to work with.

00:04:59:06 – 00:05:21:15
Kyle Pearce
Maybe you’re lucky enough to have maybe a spouse or a partner that you can bounce ideas off of or maybe some sort of mentorship group. But the reality is, is that it can be very difficult when we’re making tough decisions in the world of business and investing in order to actually take action. Or maybe hold back from taking action in certain respects.

00:05:21:15 – 00:05:39:21
Kyle Pearce
And the piece that pops into my mind when I think about the work you do in mentorship and coaching and counseling, maybe we can even talk a little bit about that. Some of those differences is that you help people kind of work through what do they really want. So I’m wondering, can you kind of set the stage for us a little bit here today?

00:05:39:23 – 00:05:50:13
Kyle Pearce
What would you say that you’re helping most of your clients with when they come to you and seek some of your assistance in terms of their own personal or business world?

00:05:50:15 – 00:06:24:05
Diane Nelson
Okay. So let me just add on to the examples you used with the solo entrepreneurship or small business owners and founders. I primarily, not exclusively, but primarily work with leaders, leaders of teams. So they are in organizations, so they’re not entrepreneurial per say. But the common part is that leaders are often very much on their own. They have to deal with their own stuff, support their team as well as then respond to and support senior leadership.

00:06:24:07 – 00:06:56:11
Diane Nelson
So it can also be a very lonely place being that mid-level leader. So there’s a lot of commonality with who I connect with and who you can. And so on that piece about the loneliness or being alone is we are with our own thoughts all of the time. And typically I think people don’t recognize how much input our mind is giving us and the input that isn’t always very productive.

00:06:56:13 – 00:07:16:03
Diane Nelson
So later on I talk a little bit more about my path and how I came to it. But oh, by the way, I attempted to come up with a math formula. Now you might tell me it’s not math, but it’s some kind of a formula. What happens in our mind is we have a thought, thoughts bubble up all the time, so a thought and then it attaches to emotion.

00:07:16:05 – 00:07:45:24
Diane Nelson
So we have an emotion about that thought, whether we feel good about it or stressed about it or angry about it. And then so thought plus the emotion then gets translated out through energy as a feeling so positive or negative feeling, and then that impacts how we show up with people. What are our personal reality, our personality, and how we impact others through connecting, through conversation with others.

00:07:46:01 – 00:08:10:01
Diane Nelson
So the thought and emotion traveled very quickly and have impact on everybody around us very quickly. And if we’re not aware of that thought beginning thought, it can run amok so fast and awareness sounds like a simple concept, but it’s harder than you think to get a hold of.

00:08:10:03 – 00:08:39:21
Kyle Pearce
I bet it’s interesting because I always like to say the voice in your mind is always giving you bad advice, right? And always is the wrong word. It’s not always, but it’s quite often it’s making you doubt, it’s making you think differently. But also what I’m hearing from you is this idea of noticing and naming the thought you have prior to it sort of being attached to that emotion is probably a really important skill to be developing.

00:08:39:21 – 00:08:57:18
Kyle Pearce
And I’m sure it takes time like anything, right, where it’s like, wait a second, some people might be listening and saying, Does that really happen with me? But in reality it really does, right? You have this thought and then it immediately sometimes it’s a good thought when we say good thought, that means I felt good when I thought about it.

00:08:57:18 – 00:09:33:17
Kyle Pearce
Right. There’s that emotion and it’s probably a bit of both. If we feel too positively or too much positivity about an emotion, maybe it might influence me to do something in a way, or if I feel maybe negatively about it, that might also impact sort of how I come and sort of interact with the outside world. So I’m wondering how would you say that leaders and again entrepreneur as being a solopreneur, but you’re kind of you’re leading this ship, Maybe it’s less people, but you are being a leader and you’re sort of making me recognize it’s like even if you’re in a large organization, you’re leading.

00:09:33:23 – 00:09:59:17
Kyle Pearce
And I might argue that now you almost have this additional pressure on yourself. You feel like eyes are on you because you’re supposed to be in charge. You’re supposed to be a leader. What are some of the common maybe struggles that some of the clients, the leaders that you’re working with are actually facing in terms of doing this process, noticing and naming those thoughts and sort of doing something more positively about it.

00:09:59:19 – 00:10:26:20
Diane Nelson
And it’s not just people that I work with. I would say it is all of humanity. And that thought, just to backtrack a little bit on what you said, from the moment you wake up, you wake up and pretty quickly you’ll have a thought. And if you start noticing what that thought is and then deciding what emotion you want to put to it, that’s called self command.

00:10:26:22 – 00:10:56:19
Diane Nelson
And that’s what I do with clients, is help people get right at the beginning of their day or any interaction thereafter, any interaction. What is the thought and to make sure to decide and choose upon the emotion. If you don’t choose and be selecting what is going to be best for the situation, what’s going to be best for you, then our default patterns kick in and we all have default patterns.

00:10:56:19 – 00:11:27:05
Diane Nelson
And in fact, it’s been analyzed through many, many assessments that there are nine voices. I’ll just give a few. And they’re described kind of like a profile version of a trait, but I think you’ll recognize them. And entrepreneurs, as most entrepreneurs have this first one hyper achiever, hyper achievers that want the next thing. And as soon as they get that next thing, it dulls in comparison to what else they want.

00:11:27:07 – 00:11:47:05
Diane Nelson
So it’s a constant, constant striving and going for more and more and more. Some other examples are a restless nature. Sometimes entrepreneurs have this restless nature. They see the shiny object, so I’m going to go that direction, and then they get there or they start to get there and maybe something else comes up and they go another direction.

00:11:47:07 – 00:12:22:02
Diane Nelson
There’s a hyper rational someone who you might find more of this in your field default pattern that is, well, what are the facts and figures? Just give me the facts and figures. The decision will be clear without any recognition of the emotional side or human interaction side that might be important in making a decision controller. Also very common among financial people is needing to control outcomes and there has to be a particular way and be in charge of that because of the let go of of control, things would run amuck.

00:12:22:02 – 00:12:45:24
Diane Nelson
And so there’s a need to control or stickler to have things done in a particular order, particular matter. So these are just a few examples. There are nine and total and these are patterns now as I say them, and I was probably describing them in a way that you’d one, people might wonder, well, are those good things, are bad things because hyper achiever sounds pretty positive.

00:12:46:01 – 00:13:08:10
Diane Nelson
So it’s like anything, any strength. It is a strength until it gets overused or used in the wrong way or to the exclusion of other things. So funny example might be is cameras are great when you have nails, but they’re pretty useless if you have a screw or pretty useless if you’re trying to paint a landscape, it is a strength.

00:13:08:10 – 00:13:37:09
Diane Nelson
So it’s trick or the process is to recognize when you’re using these default patterns, thought patterns as strengths, and when they tip over and they’re not a strength anymore. So that’s where it takes some self-awareness. And if I use myself as an example, as I do in all of my work, this is when I first went down this path of understanding these voices.

00:13:37:11 – 00:13:58:04
Diane Nelson
I was quite critical. I know that’s not me. That’s not me, because there is an assessment you can take and it’s, you know, a ten minute assessment and it spits out this idea of what are your top voices, your habits of thought. I like to describe them. And I oh, I agree with the hyper achiever, but I didn’t really agree with anything else.

00:13:58:04 – 00:14:21:23
Diane Nelson
And then over time, I started to recognize, oh yeah, oh yeah, that’s me. Oh, yeah. I see how that gets me into trouble. So then it’s like shining a light into the brain, into my self. And I’ve spent a career in counseling and helping people. I do this for a living and still, this was a big eye opener to me.

00:14:22:00 – 00:14:42:09
Diane Nelson
And now that I see those patterns, now I can do something about them. When you don’t know that they’re you can’t do anything about them. It’s when you recognize now you’ve got now you can really bite in and redirect and take control of the emotion that you want to attach to the thoughts or whether you choose the thought at all.

00:14:42:11 – 00:15:09:21
Diane Nelson
Our brain does come up with all kinds of thoughts, but unfortunately, it really is quite a habit creator. The brain does a lot of habit stuff because that’s the most economical use of the resource. You know, your brain uses 20% of your energy. So if it recognizes any kind of pattern, if you wake up in the morning and you start being concerned about the weather and how you’re going to maneuver at the drive to work, then it’s going to give you that every single day.

00:15:09:21 – 00:15:14:07
Diane Nelson
And that just takes up space in your brain for nothing.

00:15:14:09 – 00:15:39:00
Kyle Pearce
All right. This is really fascinating. And there’s so many connections hearing you speak and I haven’t heard it described as you have. So I really appreciate it, even if it’s selfishly so. I’m picturing some listeners are also either if they’ve done some reading, you talked about this idea of habits and that quick thinking part of our brain. You know, those two systems, it’s like that quick thinking part of the brain wants to run with it.

00:15:39:00 – 00:15:56:04
Kyle Pearce
It’s like, I want to just take what’s easy and I’m just going to take you to the Promised Land. And that’s the connection I’m making to these habits of thought that we tend to have. And the reality is, it’s like we can look at it a couple of different ways, like one way if we want to be, you know, essentially the ignorant approach.

00:15:56:04 – 00:16:19:20
Kyle Pearce
Right? And not saying that rudely, but the way to go, hey, listen, I got this far and my habits of thought have got me here. That’s fine. But the reality is I think is if we ever feel or have felt that things haven’t worked out the way we wanted them to, when it comes to how we’re feeling, how we’re thinking, then it’s probably a worthwhile exercise.

00:16:19:20 – 00:16:48:08
Kyle Pearce
And maybe some people have gone through with habits of thought that have sort of managed to serve them fairly well, but again, probably not perfectly right. So there’s always opportunities for improvement. And then I can’t help but think about some folks who have developed habits of thought, be it through experience, be it through whatever, like anything trauma. There’s all kinds of things that could happen that probably kind of etched these habits into your mind.

00:16:48:08 – 00:17:28:04
Kyle Pearce
And whether you’re sort of, Hey, I’m lucky I made it to here and I’m doing okay, or whether you are maybe not on a great path and you feel like I’m not feeling positive much of the time or I’m not feeling at least calm and neutral. I’m always feeling something. I feel like this work could certainly be helpful for us to start recognizing whether it’s uncomfortable or not, because I’m going to guess that most people, when they think of these nine voices, I know you’ve only highlighted some of those most people are probably going to really like the ones that sound positive out of the box, but then maybe don’t want to do the thinking

00:17:28:04 – 00:17:55:23
Kyle Pearce
required to go like, okay, at what point does it actually become more of a hindrance in certain situations and then a help? So where would you begin? Like, let’s pretend I’m the leader you’re working with. What sort of, I guess, activities would we do to try to identify? Is that something that you can notice a name because you’re so well versed in it, or is it something that only the individual sort of needs to kind of work through and really think through?

00:17:55:24 – 00:17:58:13
Kyle Pearce
I’m always very curious about that.

00:17:58:15 – 00:18:26:01
Diane Nelson
Let me just go back a little bit or draw a picture. I like talking in pictures and I think this applies I think this applies to everybody. I’d be happy to hear the exceptions to this, but I think everybody, when they’re quiet and alone with themselves, can recognize that no matter what success they’ve experienced, they would like a little bit more or they would like it in other capacities.

00:18:26:03 – 00:18:49:24
Diane Nelson
I think it’s our human journey to always be getting a little more clarity, you know, rubbing the falling off the mirror just a little bit more so that the image I am used for myself and therefore for my business and how I connect with people is that like my particular path was when I started my career. It was a fairly quick spiral up learning and advancing, learning and advancing.

00:18:50:01 – 00:19:11:08
Diane Nelson
And as time goes by, that circle gets a little wider, but it’s still going upward. Upward in the sense of I’m learning. And now that it maybe it’s not so much of a straight tight line, but more of a bigger circle. So that says a broader learning and exploring and different paths and things that are new and new ideas.

00:19:11:10 – 00:19:22:09
Diane Nelson
One time in my life I thought I, I think I know everything I need to know to do the work I’m doing. And then boom, something new came in and I went, Oh.

00:19:22:11 – 00:19:23:20
Kyle Pearce
There’s a whole new.

00:19:23:22 – 00:19:28:03
Diane Nelson
All new sector I didn’t know anything about. Great. So much more.

00:19:28:05 – 00:19:38:00
Kyle Pearce
That’s like wisdom, true wisdom. When you start to recognize that, huh? You know, there’s more to this, whatever the topic is, than I thought.

00:19:38:06 – 00:20:07:18
Diane Nelson
Yes, Yes. And now let me attach the other part of what I do and is so critical for leaders, critical for anybody who interacts with humans. Therefore, the earth is while we have these thoughts and patterns of behavior that can be routinized, can be strengths, can be weaknesses, that stuff, that energy that goes on in the mind radiates out.

00:20:07:20 – 00:20:45:21
Diane Nelson
So from a business owner, it’s how we connect with people, be it customers, be it our own team, be it with suppliers, whomever, what’s going on in the mind pattern is going to impact other people. So getting a hold of that, getting to a real crystal clear understanding of what the pattern is, and then choosing the preferred pattern, choosing the preferred way, and then making sure that that communication with whomever customers, suppliers, colleagues, that it lands in the way that you want.

00:20:46:01 – 00:21:11:23
Diane Nelson
Because the common thing for communicators is we tend to think people understand the way we’re meaning. So we say something, we get a point across and I’m assuming you understand exactly what I’m saying, Huh? You’re probably not because you’re processing the words I use the way I’m describing it based on your own experiences. And they are different. You are different than me.

00:21:12:00 – 00:21:34:22
Diane Nelson
So in order to make sure that the communication is really clear, I would need to stop and ask you some questions. How did you understand what I just said? Give me examples so that I know that you’re on the same path as I’m saying. So this is what happens for leaders. We make assumptions because we get in a hurry because we need to move on.

00:21:34:22 – 00:21:55:19
Diane Nelson
Sometimes we need to just go fast and we miss the questioning and clarifying. Are we truly on the same page? Are we truly saying, Are you receiving it the way I’m meaning it to be understood? That’s the work primarily that I do with leaders.

00:21:55:21 – 00:22:22:22
Kyle Pearce
It’s so fascinating because what I’m hearing you say, and I’m sort of reflecting on just this past week even, and I like to think that I’ve done a lot of work in trying to become a better listener. So to try to understand what someone’s saying or what they might be meaning. But the part that is really interesting is that while I’ve done a lot of work there, of course no one is ever an expert, right?

00:22:22:22 – 00:22:52:06
Kyle Pearce
You continue to build and refine these skills. The area, I don’t think I’ve spent enough attention on or maybe any attention on is actually thinking of my own thoughts and trying to understand what do I mean. Right. And I think we’ve all been there. And I actually had a conversation this week with a partner. And what I came to realize is that they weren’t understanding what I was saying because actually I didn’t understand what I wanted to say yet either.

00:22:52:08 – 00:23:14:11
Kyle Pearce
And I’ve got to assume that some of this, of course, like communications, the way it comes out. But if I haven’t processed the thoughts and how it’s making me feel and how all of those things, I’m sure that that has to have some sort of influence on, again, how I’m speaking to others, how I’m expressing my feelings instead of my thoughts.

00:23:14:11 – 00:23:35:05
Kyle Pearce
Right. And maybe I don’t know if you can speak to that. It’s like when you’re feelings come out of your mouth instead of your true thoughts coming out of your mouth when we talk about what you’re really wanting. Instead, you’re talking about how it made you feel. Instead. I don’t know if I’m on a random tangent there, but it certainly jumped out at me anyway.

00:23:35:07 – 00:24:05:08
Diane Nelson
Perhaps what I’m hearing is an extroversion trait, so an extrovert tends to process thoughts out loud. So if I just take the extremes, okay, most of us fall somewhere in the middle between extrovert, an introvert, but I fall on the introvert side, so I’m figuring out what I want to say before I say it. Extroverts start speaking, and by the end of their sentence, they kind of figured out what they wanted to say.

00:24:05:10 – 00:24:20:18
Diane Nelson
So some of the way you describe babies, it’s okay. That’s the way you’re wired. It’s okay. But maybe a bit of a forewarning to people who are listening is give me a minute while I work all this out. I’ll get to my point and I’ll find out if I agree with my own point when I get to the end of this.

00:24:20:18 – 00:24:37:06
Kyle Pearce
I love that you just painted a clear picture of the thought I was having earlier this week is exactly that. It is like by the end of the conversation I was now clear and I sort of wish I could go, you know, what? Can we just cut on that poor session we just had? And what I just started over.

00:24:37:08 – 00:25:01:10
Kyle Pearce
And then meanwhile, John is more of an introvert, our co-host. He thinks things through. And so you just nailed me right there. So does that change when it comes to how we can do some of the work that you’re describing here? Is there something that, say, an extrovert, someone who’s more on the extrovert side of the spectrum like myself, to work that through prior?

00:25:01:14 – 00:25:11:07
Kyle Pearce
Was it just closing the door in a room by myself and talking it out at the mirror? Or is there something else I could be doing to help myself get better at this skill?

00:25:11:09 – 00:25:26:18
Diane Nelson
The thing with the extrovert and introversion that we’re rather hardwired there are the five big personality traits. This is one of them. Work hard. Wired I wouldn’t put a lot of energy in trying to become an introvert. I wouldn’t be worthy. I assure.

00:25:26:18 – 00:25:31:21
Kyle Pearce
You. I haven’t wasted my time. I haven’t put any thought into it, but I was like, Maybe I should be.

00:25:31:21 – 00:25:54:12
Diane Nelson
I’m not sure. No. And thank goodness we’re not all introverts. Thank goodness we’re not all extroverts. Amen to that. But it’s the awareness. So between you and John. So that would be like a team exercise. I might work with you. What is that? You recognize that that’s how you are and helping John to understand that he just needs to be patient while you work that through.

00:25:54:14 – 00:26:00:21
Diane Nelson
Because we’re introverts, we tend to think, Oh my God, when is going to stop talking?

00:26:00:23 – 00:26:05:14
Kyle Pearce
You’d be laughing. He was here right now because he has to deal with that every day.

00:26:05:16 – 00:26:25:09
Diane Nelson
So what I’ve learned being an introvert is it doesn’t bother me. It doesn’t irritate me when people are doing that. I appreciate now that they’re just going to take their time working it through and I will be patient and wait. And then when you get to the end, then I can start asking questions to kind of narrow it in.

00:26:25:11 – 00:27:01:00
Diane Nelson
And that’s okay. Now, for an extrovert, you get frustrated with the silence or the okay, what is your opinion like out with it, please? Whereas we tend to take more time processing to come up with that. But when we do, it’s there. So it’s just recognizing the difference. And when you that’s the thing with communication between people is that you have these kinds of conversations, particularly if you’re partners or if you’re a team leader and team member, understanding that that’s what it is and being aware of it.

00:27:01:02 – 00:27:27:02
Kyle Pearce
So what I, at least in this moment, am sort of taking from that and of course I’ll need more time to talk it out before I really know. But my thought is that this idea of noticing and naming your thoughts, regardless of whether you’re introvert, extrovert, whether you’re somewhere in the middle, that part actually isn’t really impacting this work that you’re describing.

00:27:27:02 – 00:27:51:22
Kyle Pearce
Right. And that you have to sort of be able to notice and name those thoughts so that you could then decide which sort of emotion you attach, if any, to those thoughts. So if John is sitting there waiting for me to be done, rambling in his mind, he’s probably thinking through his thoughts going, okay, here’s what I think is happening and how am I going to handle that?

00:27:51:22 – 00:28:05:22
Kyle Pearce
That’s going to be probably as he strengthens that skill, he’ll be able to then have a better response at the end to work from where I leave it off after rambling or whatever it might be.

00:28:05:24 – 00:28:31:00
Diane Nelson
It’s all good rambling. Don’t name yourself as being that it’s a bad way. It’s a perfectly healthy, normal way. Just recognize that, that it’s your delivery system. It’s your thought delivery system. But you’re right. The thought patterns are the thing that happens before that you want to understand and know because it’s how you’re driven. Are you driven to a negative side versus a positive side and what style?

00:28:31:02 – 00:28:56:01
Diane Nelson
I just want to comment. We are zigzagging a wee bit, but comment about the other thing that is so common when we are in communication with others. So we tend not to be comfortable with silence and as a result we are all of us. I would say, are forming our response before the other person has finished speaking. Now that’s a common thing.

00:28:56:03 – 00:29:28:15
Diane Nelson
I think it’s because we’re uncomfortable with silence now. Introverts slightly less uncomfortable with silence, but still we are. So the idea is that when you’re in communication with a client, a customer, a potential is to allow them to finish their thought before you form any kind of response. That’s the trick. I was just doing a webinar earlier this week and I call this my three step process mindset and mindset clear.

00:29:28:17 – 00:29:57:16
Diane Nelson
Then the skill set and then match set. So we talked a little bit about mindset. I’d be happy to dig into those thought patterns more if you want, with a skill set is to ask questions. Listen, without any anticipation of what the answer is, without forming any kind of opinion and ask more questions, then reflect or reframe what they’ve said to make sure that your understanding what they’ve said to you, paraphrase it back.

00:29:57:18 – 00:30:28:18
Diane Nelson
Is this what you’re saying? Is this what I’m thinking on my understanding this correctly? So the process of listening is really a back and forth in asking questions before making any kind of statements or any kind of providing your opinion. And that’s the part that we shorten. Most of us just shorten it. And I asked people on this webinar, I said, when was the last time that you had a conversation where you felt, heard, understood and appreciated for your ideas?

00:30:28:20 – 00:30:51:01
Diane Nelson
And of course it was silence because it’s not very common. Typically, if you stop and listen to conversations you’re in, it’s a lot of two monologues. Somebody says this, then the person says, Well, this is what it is like for me. Well, that’s my experience and this is how this you know, it’s two monologues as opposed to somebody responding with.

00:30:51:03 – 00:31:15:21
Diane Nelson
Tell me more about what you mean by that. Help me understand how you when you said that feeling, what does that feel like for you? Or what was your thought about that? Or how did you come up with any kind of question to dig deeper for a fuller understanding? That’s how you get true connection with people as to how and when they feel that you listen, understood and appreciated.

00:31:16:01 – 00:31:23:22
Diane Nelson
Doesn’t mean you agree, doesn’t mean you have complete the synergy and understanding, but that you’ve heard to the end.

00:31:23:24 – 00:31:51:15
Kyle Pearce
I was trying to practice that as you were speaking, and I noticed, especially in this sort of environment where interviewing a guest, where you tend to be trying to think of the next question, but then, I mean, that obviously could potentially hinder the interview because now you may be going off on a sort of a different tangent when there was a much better question that could have been formed from what you had shared.

00:31:51:15 – 00:31:54:08
Diane Nelson
And it’s very tricky in an interview style.

00:31:54:10 – 00:32:13:07
Kyle Pearce
Sure. But I mean, it’s becoming very clear to me in this moment about those three ideas. So I want to make sure that I understood. So here I’m going to practice a little bit. I want to paraphrase back what I heard to you, because I think these three sets, I’ll call them, is really helpful. So you had talked about the mindset.

00:32:13:09 – 00:32:43:19
Kyle Pearce
So we’re talking about, again, that clarity mindset conversation. Yeah. Yes. Making sure that that is in line. That is a lot of work in and of itself that we need to continue working through. The skill set piece was the asking of questions, listening without forming any sort of opinion until the speaker is finished. And then the part that I want to just make sure that I’m clear on is that when you talked about the paraphrasing back wood, is that the match set portion?

00:32:43:19 – 00:33:07:06
Kyle Pearce
So you’re just making sure that what I think I heard matches what you’re saying. And then would that just be iterative, I suppose where you kind of head back through the loop as this, as you gain more depth or is it more of a asking more questions, making sure it matches and asking more questions? What does that look like, I suppose in practice.

00:33:07:08 – 00:33:50:04
Diane Nelson
So I haven’t gotten to the match set yet. The paraphrasing back is still the part of the conversation where you’re being sure that you’re really connecting and understanding the match. So that particularly comes again, I was going to use my examples around leaders and team members, but it also applies to a salesperson and their prospect potential client or an ongoing client for that matter is okay, now that I fully understand your situation and I confirmed with you that I’ve understood your situation, the match that is now where you express your perspective, your understanding, and now that both people have been able to express now what are we going to do?

00:33:50:04 – 00:34:17:21
Diane Nelson
What’s the plan going forward? If it’s a leader and team member, perhaps it’s what’s your next steps around this project? What’s going to happen and when’s it going to happen? So qualitative and quantitative expectations, so a clear steps forward. The reason why this is really important for leaders to appreciate is that I think leaders get a bit frustrated with the they have to spend this time in conversation.

00:34:17:23 – 00:34:48:22
Diane Nelson
They want to be sure that there’s going to be action taken in an agreed upon map. So that’s the match set part. Now, if I talk about it in terms of customers, so I can imagine your meeting with people making financial plans with them, you really need to understand what their objectives and desires are for their life. You’ve got to hear it all out, but then you’ve got some things to share and that might adjust their pattern or might be a short term plan or a long term plan.

00:34:48:24 – 00:35:14:05
Diane Nelson
So then you have to get to the point of taking what you’ve learned from them, taking what you’re able to give and making a plan that you both agree that we’re going to review and confirm that this is the direction we’re going, or as long as that plan makes sense adjusting along the way. But the match that is that both leave the conversation with knowing what’s coming next.

00:35:14:07 – 00:35:15:13
Diane Nelson
And when.

00:35:15:15 – 00:35:42:10
Kyle Pearce
I love that in business and in, I think the larger the organization, the more that clarity sort of disappears. Right where people are. Sometimes there’s random goals set out. Maybe we think there’s clarity around what that goal might mean, or maybe the goal is too large and it’s like, what are the intermediary goals that we’re going to need to actually achieve in order to get us closer?

00:35:42:12 – 00:36:06:17
Kyle Pearce
So this idea and I can imagine that if you’re working in a space, be it again, you had said someone with a client, individual client to ensure that, hey, we’re both heading in the same direction and I hear what your needs are, what your dream outcome is. And I now believe that I truly understand what that is because I’ve gone through and made sure to ask those questions.

00:36:06:17 – 00:36:49:05
Kyle Pearce
Listen, paraphrase. And then now we can kind of together decide on, Hey, are these next steps? Do they make sense? When you look at the larger organizations and you think about people within an organization, you have to I’m sure there’s lots of statistics around people wanting ownership, right? They want ownership of the work they’re doing. I have to assume that if we’re engaging in this process more so with different employees, different levels of employees, that we’re going to get better results, even though it might feel maybe harder or maybe it takes more time and effort, the payoff feels like it’s probably much more significant as well in the long run.

00:36:49:07 – 00:37:16:13
Diane Nelson
Yeah, there’s a I think a parallel to safety practices. It does cost money for companies to make sure that their safety practices are in place, but if they don’t do them, the cost of an accident is far more. I think it’s pretty similar to a leader spending some time upfront each of their team members to take extra time and clarifying and making sure that they understand each other when they speak and describe things.

00:37:16:15 – 00:37:43:11
Diane Nelson
So that those steps towards action and completing projects goes faster. Because if you go weeks thinking that you’ve been clear, thinking that there’s been an agreement and you find two weeks later that the it’s gone off the track somewhere, well, I wasted two weeks as opposed to wasting a half hour, spend the time upfront to save the time going forward.

00:37:43:13 – 00:38:09:22
Kyle Pearce
Going back to mindset, having a mindset that this work is important. Work is obviously key, right, for someone to be able to go, okay, it is worth the investment because of what will come from it. And sometimes I think we that immediate gratification that we all seem to enjoy can be really tough. Right? So you think about the hard work we need to put in.

00:38:09:24 – 00:38:39:00
Kyle Pearce
I’m wondering because I want to be respectful of your time here today and I feel like there’s so many more questions I have. But one thing I would want to know if I’m a listener right now, I’m now clearly I think if I’m listening to this podcast, I’m going, okay, this is important to be done. What would you say is sort of like a good first step for someone who’s listening, who maybe they knew that there’s work to be done around mindset and around their thinking, right?

00:38:39:00 – 00:38:58:01
Kyle Pearce
I think a lot of people do. They’re aware that this is important but may not have done anything intentional about it. Do you have any sort of or say, starting points that you might point people to so they can begin this journey, which I’m going to guess is a lifelong journey? Right. It’s never going to be done and fixed.

00:38:58:03 – 00:39:19:02
Kyle Pearce
We need to be aware of it. We need to keep growing it. So where might one start? Is there something easy that they can do? Or I’m going to say simple because easy nothing is easy but simple that they might be able to maybe build into a routine or something that they can do to help them take that first step down this path.

00:39:19:04 – 00:39:43:04
Diane Nelson
I’m going to comment about the first assumption that you’ve made that people tend to know that they need to do some work in this area. I find that they don’t. Here’s a few examples. So leaders often get promoted because they’re really good at the work that they do. They have engineering skills, they have project management skills, they have production skills, they have design skills.

00:39:43:06 – 00:40:08:09
Diane Nelson
They’re really good at that. They get promoted to earlier. And there’s a parallel with entrepreneurs as well. But let me just finish this first example. So they get promoted to leader and they’re feeling initially quite confident. Yeah, my skills were recognized, but leading people is all about understanding oneself. It’s not the anymore. They no longer have to do that work.

00:40:08:11 – 00:40:36:17
Diane Nelson
They have to support people to do that work and that’s the people connection. So getting one’s abilities to connect with people is the work. Similarly with entrepreneurs, I worked with a business owner who kept saying, Why we’ve hired a staff person? A Why don’t they think like me? Well, for one, as an entrepreneur, you wouldn’t want your staff to think like you, otherwise they’d go off and form their own company.

00:40:36:17 – 00:40:37:24
Kyle Pearce
Exactly. Yep.

00:40:38:01 – 00:41:04:14
Diane Nelson
But as the owner entrepreneur, you have to be able to develop people to that stage. Okay, so the basis is first agreeing or accepting that you’ve got some work to do in terms of how to deal with people, how to motivate and bring people along to where you need them to be to work well. So the beginning step, I would say, is being open to some self-awareness.

00:41:04:14 – 00:41:29:20
Diane Nelson
Now there’s a free assessment online. I’d be happy to share that. However you get this message out, there’s a simple free assessment and it’s just mind blowing. At least that’s how I found it was oh, to recognize those thought patterns. And then from there, then you can investigate. Investigate a little bit more. But that initial awareness piece, that’s what will kick a whole many steps of learning.

00:41:29:22 – 00:41:35:16
Diane Nelson
So start with awareness and an assessment is a great way to kind of trigger you into a new field of thinking.

00:41:35:18 – 00:42:00:11
Kyle Pearce
I will definitely be asking you for the link to that assessment. We’ll put it up on the show notes page of the website so folks can visit Canadian Wealth Secrets dot com. And under this episode, this is episode 70. So forward slash episode 70 you will see Diane’s show Notes page where you can contact Diane. Some of the information that we’re providing here, including this assessment link.

00:42:00:11 – 00:42:30:12
Kyle Pearce
So I think that’ll be a great opportunity for people to get started on this journey. Before I ask our final question, which is where we can find you or where people can find you, I’m wondering, what would you say? I have a funny feeling. I know the theme of what you’re going to say, but when we talk about Canadian wealth secrets, your secret sauce in business, in wealth, in success, in life, I’m wondering what would you say is your Canadian wealth secret sauce of today’s episode?

00:42:30:12 – 00:42:32:06
Kyle Pearce
In this interview?

00:42:32:08 – 00:43:01:13
Diane Nelson
Well, I maybe a bit, but my secret sauce is getting the internal conversation in a positive state so that the interaction with people is in a positive state where you want it to go. And then for me, what works for me is having a really, really sense of purpose. I’ve spent probably my whole life. I didn’t realize it until recently, but I probably spent my whole life on this type of communication and getting that right.

00:43:01:17 – 00:43:32:12
Diane Nelson
I have spent years practicing and feeling and practicing some more and then learning and then helping others. And it really has been on this theme of helping people with communication. And the proof has been in that my own children are wonderful communicators and they connect from the heart and many of my clients have said so and brought testimonials that you can see on my LinkedIn page, but that’s what fuels me, period.

00:43:32:14 – 00:44:07:05
Kyle Pearce
I love it. I love it. And it’s something that I’m sure many of our listeners recognize when we call this podcast Canadian Wealth Secrets. The definition of wealth is for us so vast, right? Because again, wealth is not money. It’s not assets necessarily that are monetary assets, but yet it’s assets in life. And I feel like unless you have a solid understanding of your thinking, of your mindset, it’s very difficult.

00:44:07:05 – 00:44:33:01
Kyle Pearce
You can have assets in all these other areas of your life, but if you don’t have control of that asset your brain, then I would argue you’re not going to have that full rich life that you’re really after. So I think today’s episode is going to certainly help many of us, you know, continue to work on that path so that we can truly reach that level of a true wealthy life.

00:44:33:03 – 00:44:37:19
Diane Nelson
It’s the assets that we’re born with and it’s the only one we take with us.

00:44:37:21 – 00:44:54:08
Kyle Pearce
I love it. You are 100% correct, and I think that is such a great place to leave us. Where can the Canadian Wealth Secrets audience find out more about Diane Nelson and the work you’re doing? I’m sure there will be some people who are looking to connect.

00:44:54:10 – 00:45:08:19
Diane Nelson
Well, I’m quite active on LinkedIn. That’s kind of the primary place. I’m often posting and connecting with people there. So that’s Diane Nelson and my website is WW dot Nelson team dot com.

00:45:08:21 – 00:45:35:05
Kyle Pearce
I love it Diane thank you so much for taking some time with us here today. It’s been awesome. We’re recording this on a Friday so I’m wishing you the most wonderful Friday. And to those who are listening, you’re probably listening on a Wednesday when these episodes drop. So enjoy that. Awesome. Listen and hey friends, let’s start reflecting on those thoughts and let’s make sure that we have full control of that mindset in our thinking.

00:45:35:07 – 00:46:02:04
Kyle Pearce
Thanks so much, Diane. Well, Canadian well Secrets seekers, what a great conversation with Diane. I definitely felt when I met with Diane the first time that she had so much to offer, so many great ideas. And ultimately in my first conversation, I felt it again here in this interview. She just has a way, a calming way to get you to think a little bit more deeply about your own thoughts.

00:46:02:05 – 00:46:34:21
Kyle Pearce
I had two big takeaways from this conversation with Diane. The first one is really trying to think about your thoughts and the emotion those thoughts are connected to or that connect to that thought. And if we’re able to sort of differentiate those two things, it can really help us to hold back from allowing that emotion to take over and maybe even cloud that initial thought in the first place, right, so that we can think clearly and follow through.

00:46:34:23 – 00:46:57:02
Kyle Pearce
The second one was just about how we can show up in conversations, how we can listen. And I felt like there were those three ideas, this idea of mindset, clear skill set and matched set are three things that I’m going to come back to a number of times in the near future for me to just reflect and practice.

00:46:57:02 – 00:47:20:18
Kyle Pearce
And I’m probably going to have to listen to this episode a couple of times just so that I can start building a habit of doing these things, especially when I’m trying to understand what people are saying in conversations. We’re constantly getting ready to see the next thing and instead what we want to be doing is we want to clear our minds so that we can ask questions without any opinions, as she had mentioned.

00:47:20:20 – 00:47:47:16
Kyle Pearce
And then we want to ensure and paraphrase what we think we heard so that we can truly understand what it is that someone is trying to communicate with us. So a lot of great skills here. I know today may not feel like this was a Canadian Wealth Secrets episode, but I want to tell you that one of the greatest ways, one of the greatest tools we have is our minds, right?

00:47:47:16 – 00:48:17:06
Kyle Pearce
It is our minds. It’s how we think, how we feel. And it doesn’t matter how much monetary wealth we accomplish or achieve, how many assets we grow, or even how successful we are in business or in our work. Really, it’s all about how we think and feel and how we show up for others. So today we wanted to take an opportunity to build your wealth inside your mind so that you can better build wealth in other aspects of your life.

00:48:17:08 – 00:48:31:06
Kyle Pearce
So friends, if you haven’t yet, head on over to your favorite podcast platform and leave us a rating and review. Be honest with that rating and review. But do you know that we have been in the top 200 business?

Canadian Wealth Secrets is an informative podcast that digs into the intricacies of building a robust portfolio, maximizing dividend returns, the nuances of real estate investment, and the complexities of business finance, while offering expert advice on wealth management, navigating capital gains tax, and understanding the role of financial institutions in personal finance.

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